“Hastings direct.com, Hastings direct.cooooooom”

“Elephant.co.uk, that’s Elephant.co.uk that’s Elephant.co.uk”

Norton Finance, Ocean Finance and so on.

Yes, adverts. Particularly daytime TV adverts, I understand that there is less money in daytime TV, but there is no need for this kind of thing. Finance vampires, ambulance chasers and insurance peddlers with awful adverts trying to make a connection with stupid people. They have obviously deemed that the only people watching TV during the day are ill educated morons, and have decided to pitch their wares accordingly.

I have to admit in advance that I watch very little TV, so I am probably more sensitive to this guff, but if I was in the demographic I would be mortally offended by this treatment. (Yes demographic Tarquin, you coke snorting, pony tailed twat. I do know what that means.*) Have they not realised that students are at home during the day? And the argument would be as follows:

“Yes, there are students at home all day, but our research shows that students have little disposable income for our products”

Okay, my research, well I say research, by which I mean I have been walking around with my bloody eyes open. My research has picked up, that while it is true that students have little money now, most will have in the future. My other parallel piece of research that I have been running at the same time shows that people that work in advertising have a small black hole where there souls should be. This, if I may summarise for a moment, is obviously due to them selling their souls to Satan. As an atheist, Satan is a representation of big business. If you are in advertising don’t bother responding to this, just remember that when you start receiving the money from whoring yourself to these companies that your opinion ceases to matter. YOU ARE OWNED, end of story.

I suppose that the flip side is that these businesses think that these adverts are good, but I find it hard to believe that these multi million pound companies haven’t realised how shockingly bad these things are. They surely don’t look at them proudly when they are being showed what they have paid tens of thousands of pounds for?

There is an argument that they are so bad deliberately, so that we remember them, so that they stick in your conscience like nicotine sticks in a smokers cranium. Hmm, okay I can see that as a possible. All I would say is this, I remember Peter Sutcliffe, but I wouldn’t want to share a room with him…

*Yes,  I am aware that this is lazy and stereotypical characterization but they employ it so why shouldn’t I? Think like your enemy  to catch them out.